Day 5

I'm not a big pill popping kind of person.  Even after months in the hospital and tremendous pain, I begged my doctor to help me wean myself off all the garbage they had me taking.  Sometimes, however, I wish I had just one or two pain pills to get me through nights and mornings like these.

Last night, after walking my steps for the day and settling in to relax before bed, the pain kicked in.  I just block it out and go on with my business, but no matter how much I try to ignore it, it's still there.  I have gotten used to being in pain, that's a daily occurence and it's not if I'm in pain, it's at what level.  I'm not one of these people who moans and groans with every ache and pain... if I did, that's all I would do, but some days I just want to scream into a pillow, or pound on a punching bag, or something to make it go away, even if just for a minute of peace.

Most people don't realize I'm in pain, or how much I'm in, because I never mention it.  It's not as if I have some horrible gaping wound that is obvious it hurts.  I'm not going to spend my days whining about it either, that only makes the people around me uncomfortable and won't help me in any way.  I may be a lot of things, but a whiner isn't one of them.

I've learned all kinds of tricks to manage the pain.  Ibuprofen helps a lot.  I try not to take that too often either, but on nights like last night, and mornings like this one, sometimes it's nice just to take the edge off.

What kind of pain is it, you ask?  Well, since you asked.  Imagine sitting in a pot of boiling lava.  That's the only way I can describe it.  The muscles buuuurrrrrnnnnnnnn.  Actually, maybe it isn't the muscles so much as the nerves, but who's keeping track, it's all pain to me.  I also get the usual aches and pains in my back and my joints, but those are all masked by the overwhelming burning sensation, and it's from my rib cage down.  Lovely.

So, now that I've vented about all that, I've never let it stop me before and I won't now.  Nobody said it would be easy, and like my favorite line in a movie goes, "It has to hurt if it's to heal..."

(Name that movie)

Update: 12:50P.M.

I have spent most of the morning on this forum – Success Vibe – and must admit I think I’ve made some new “friends”. I put that in quotes only because I have not met these people in person as of yet, but I certainly hope to in the future. For now, there are some really great folks over there, with some really great thoughts and ideas, and tremendous willingness for support.

If I was waning in the slightest in my resolve to accomplish my goals, I am no longer. I’ve always known that the positive reinforcement of others can propel us forward, but I got so used to the negative from my past that I forgot for a while. It’s interesting to me how chatting with so-called strangers has felt more rewarding than some of the times I hung out with so-called friends.

It is really shaping up to be a great day, and week. I know it’s only Tuesday, but we all know how fast time flies and before I know it I’ll be stepping on the scale holding my breath that I can show some results. I know I’ll show results, hard work always pays off.

I will be venturing outside for some steps today. I plan to pick my daughter up from school and my outside chair is in the bed of my truck in the garage. This means I must walk to it. I’m looking forward to it for the first time. I’m feeling stronger in my ability to walk and not as scared to fall. I don’t often get outside to walk for safety reasons, but it will be something I will need to transition to if I plan to continue my rehab on a somewhat normal scale. Afterall, getting back to all the things I used to do is the most important part of rehab anyway.

Wish me luck.


Step count today: 100
99,293 to go.