When you're a kid, you think 40 is old and you can't wait to be a certain age until you reach that age and then you can't wait to be the next age. I can't wait until I'm 16 so I can drive. I can't wait until I'm 18 so I can do what I want, when I want. I can't wait until I'm 21 so I can drink. Nobody ever says "I can't wait until I'm over 40 so I can have all the responsibilities!".
It's a trap. It's all a trap. The only thing that comes with being an adult is adult responsibilities and let me assure you -- they are overrated.
You get the privilege of paying bills, keeping a clean house, doing all the laundry ALL the time, waking up early and going to bed late, never again for the rest of your life getting a full night of sleep without having to wake up to pee at least once, making sure the vehicle is maintained, keeping food in the house, feeding the animals, making the bed, cooking the food, cleaning the dishes, washing windows in Spring and Fall, scrubbing toilets (that's something to REALLY look forward to), mopping floors, vacuuming a fuck ton of carpet, constantly worrying and stressing about money and bills, dealing with hair from every critter in the home including yourself and most fun of all? Cleaning up shit. This is not a joke. Most of your life is going to be spent cleaning up shit. From the time you enter into adulthood and start having babies or adopting animals, you will forever be cleaning up shit. Have a cat? You will forever be cleaning cat shit out of the litter box. Have a dog? You will forever be picking up their shit multiple times a day. Have a cat and a dog? You will forever be cleaning cat shit out of the litter box so the dog doesn't eat it and cleaning up your dog's runny shits because they got into the litter box and ate cat shit. Have a kid? Changing diapers and wiping shit. Have a potty trained kid? You will still forever be cleaning shit, I assure you. Once they are old enough to maintain better personal hygiene, they will have their own kids and you will be occasionally cleaning your grandkids' shit. All this leads up to getting old when you will then be either cleaning your partners shit or sitting in your own shit.
Moral of the story? Life is shit.
I am 43. I woke up this morning at 5:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep to save my life. So, at 5:30 I decided to just get up. The idea of coffee and sitting on the couch with my laptop and pets actually sounded relaxing and appealing. Like the cute pics you see on Instagram of warm jammies, animal cuddles and a cup of coffee. Let's just be clear about one thing right now: INSTAGRAM IS NOT REALITY! What is reality? Putting on warm pants and a warm comfortable shirt AFTER you remove the cat from laying on top of them and they are now covered in cat hair. You emerge from your bedroom to a nice quiet living area and begin to feel like anything is possible and then notice your aging dog has pissed on the carpet. Before even making a pot of coffee, you must clean up dog piss from the carpet. At 5:45 am. Dog piss cleaned, you move into the kitchen and begin making coffee. This is when the cat decides she wants to sit in your lap (for those of you who don't know, I'm in a wheelchair). As you're trying to move around the kitchen and get the damn coffee made which is needed for your survival, the cat is winding its way underneath you, nearly getting run over every time you move, until you finally give in and pick her up. Cat on lap the coffee is finally brewing. Now the cat wants to play. She begins biting your hands and clawing at the drawstrings from the hood on your sweater and while doing so, with her razor sharp claws, slices you right in the boob. Cat is now off your lap and made to go play elsewhere.
FINALLY, the coffee is done and you make yourself a nice comforting cup. It's at this point that the dog, who has already pissed on the carpet which you had to clean before even making the coffee, decides she needs to go outside. You get in one good sip of coffee and then have to saddle up and brave the cold to take the dog out and then pick up her shit. Back inside you can finally sit on the couch and relax with your fresh cup of coffee. You pull out your laptop and begin checking emails and starting your day when the cat decides she wants to cuddle and walks across your laptop, somehow emailing "fuoamdkbiehgebknsolthigihtkensgkhttgeknew" to someone you haven't spoken to in 20 years. Forcing the cat off your lap, she begins to play with her toys on the floor and you can finally breathe a sigh of relief UNTIL, suddenly, like a hunter in the wild, the cat climbs your floor lamp knocking it over and starting a chain reaction of mess that you must now jump off the couch and go clean up. The best part? All of this happens before 6:00 am.
Doesn't becoming an adult sound fun?
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