Friday, January 8, 2010

Day 8

I took nearly 1200 steps yesterday.  I am certainly feeling it, but nobody ever said it wouldn't hurt.  Mostly I am feeling it in my hands where I am getting some very large blisters.  That will eventually toughen up.  My legs hurt of course, but it's not so much of the burning sensation I am used to, I can also feel the actual muscle soreness.  All in all I'm not really in as much pain as I had expected, although it's only the first day.  Perhaps I won't be quite so comfortable tomorrow, or the next day.

Being without my chair is a huge adjustment.  I was up three times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, each time walking with blistered hands and sore, tired, and weak bare feet.  At one point I took the time to put my sneakers and brace on because I just felt it's better overall for my body.  I did it all while half asleep and in a "fog".  After that I feel I can do anything.

I can do anything.  This is not going to be easy, or painless, or fun.  I am going to want to quit and rest and use the chair.  I am going to cry, get mad, get frustrated, feel like a cripple, and want to just say to hell with it all.  But, I won't, because I don't really want to do that.  I don't want to go back to the chair.  This morning I looked down at my daughter for the first time in a very long while.  I got to see her beautiful face from a whole different angle... she takes my breath away.  It's moments like that which will keep me working hard.

The only way I will go back to using that chair is if my legs completely gave out and wouldn't move.  I don't see that happening, but you never know.  They have done it once before.

I am going to take things a bit easier today, only doing what's absolutely necessary.  Even just doing that will mean at least 500 steps.  Already this morning I let the dog out, fed the fish, and made coffee.  By the time I sat down at my desk I had logged 200 steps.

Step count today:  964
Left to go:  96,737

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