Me And Mini

Me and my beautiful little Mini Me


I remember a day when I hated taking pictures, and today I had a flash of how I used to feel when my daughter wanted to take a pic for her "snap chat".  I told her to send it to me, fully anticipating hating it and feeling like the proverbial cow.  After she sent it, and I cringed a little while I took the time to unlock my phone and open it, I was pleasantly surprised.  Yes, although my hair and makeup aren't done and I look like a bit of  zombie in that area, I do not look fat.  I am actually starting to look how I want to look -- healthy.  And, in case you were wondering what I used to look like, and why I became camera-phobic for a while, here is a "before" picture taken at my heaviest weight -- ever:



Yup, this is me, at my heaviest (2009) 215 pounds

It's hard to believe I was ever even that big, considering I've always been a bit of a health nut and exercise fiend.  After I got sick I lost myself for a while and simply didn't care.  I felt so restricted because of my disability, that I got a mad case of the fuck-its and decided I would eat and drink whatever I wanted.  Nothing else, and nobody else, was going to tell me otherwise -- no matter how many times the "dryer shrunk my clothes". 

I remember how difficult everything was back then.  How, even just doing laundry or getting in and out of my car were major chores.  I mean, I was carrying around 80 extra pounds, it's no wonder!  And on a body that barely works in the first place!  That is just not something I am willing to do for very long, and not the kind of person I've ever really been (even if I did slip a little for a while).

For those of you who are curious, this is what I'm used to looking like and the kind of person I've always actually been:

Before GBS (1996)  145 pounds

One year after GBS (1999) 155 pounds

 

 

I would be happy with the 155 weight, if that's where I end up after working out and eating right (and after my surgery, of course).  I'm not far from there now considering how much extra I'm carrying in my uterus right now.  I actually really want the 145 weight.  That's when I was at my peak physically.  I was fit and strong.  I actually ate food and never, ever starved myself.  That was a good time in my life and I plan to get that back.

 

 

 

 

Never Give Up

The Difference Between Skinny And Healthy

Yes, there is a difference between skinny and healthy.  It angers me when people confuse the two.  We have been fed so much propaganda and falsities throughout our whole lives, that most people really don't understand the difference. 

 

I just had to rant about this a little bit since I'm currently on a weight-loss path of my own.  I would like to clarify that I'm not trying to get "skinny", but rather I want to get "healthy".  No, it is not healthy to carry too much body fat.  Whether or not it is aesthetically pleasing is not the issue.  The issue is simply your health.  Too much body fat wreaks havoc with every bodily function.  It creates health issues that otherwise wouldn't be there; i.e., diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.  I mean, the list goes on and on, but I think you get the point (or at least I hope you do).  Wanting to be "skinny" can also lead to health issues, especially when someone does it in an improper way, such as eating disorders.

 

Speaking of eating disorders.  I came across this on Pinterest today and it absolutely enraged me:

 

 

The sad part is it's true.  It's not just Demi Lovato, it's everyone.  If you gain a little weight, you're criticized.  If you're too skinny, you're criticized.  If you have muscle and you're a woman, then you look too much like a man.  It's unreal how people treat one another.  The finger pointing has got to stop.  And, the real kicker of it all, especially for me, is that most people who are doing the finger pointing have issues of their own that they could stand to do something about.  How about instead of focusing so much on what others should be doing with their bodies/lives, why don't we take the time to make ourselves better, for ourselves.  Now there's an idea!

 

While I'm at it, I might as well tell you that I absolutely cannot stand the phrase "nothing tastes as good as thin feels".  I used to say that to myself all the time, but I have since revised it.  It should go like this; "nothing tastes as good as healthy feels".  End of story.

 

I would never want to be skinny.  I don't want to be a skeleton with skin hanging on it.  I want to have muscle and be strong and fit and healthy.  I want to lower the amount of fat on my body so that I am healthy and can live a long life (God willing).  I just want to increase my chances of living healthy, and lower my chances of illness and fat-related health issues.  Let's face it people, unhealthy eating makes you unhealthy (not just fat).  Healthy eating makes you healthy, and it's a hell of a lot harder to become overweight when you're eating healthy and paying attention to what you put in your body.

 

Can't we all just try to be healthy inside and out?

 

 

 

Never Give Up

A New And Improved Me

Today is the first day of another new "me".  With a pending surgery, I am already on a path of body cleansing and weight loss, and today is just another day on that path, but my resolve is just that much stronger. 

I have a doctor's appointment this Tuesday (August 27, 2013) with the Endocrinologist to see how my thyroid is functioning.  That appointment will determine whether we can move forward with surgery, or whether we have to wait a bit longer until my thyroid gets under control.  Either way, I'm on a mission to be as prepared as possible for surgery.

Besides eating cleaner, eating less, drinking more water, and attempting to detox, I am also taking supplements in hopes that I can boost my immune system and healing capabilities so that I'm not only in tip-top shape for the surgery itself, but so that I can heal up in the best and healthiest way afterward.  I would like to come away from this surgery feeling energized and refreshed.  Considering I will be losing a giant tumor, among other smaller tumors within my uterus, and my uterus itself, I am pretty sure I'll be feeling lighter and healthier just by that alone.  So, if I'm as healthy and light as I can be by then, I will just be walking on air when I get home.  I'm sure losing the organ and the tumors will most likely shed 10 pounds, maybe more, maybe less.  No matter what the poundage, it's certainly going to relieve all this pressure and pain in that area.

So, now that I've mastered homemade baked beans, I will put the unhealthier creative cooking aside and work on healthy creative cooking for now.  With Fall and the holidays coming, I will have plenty of chances to satisfy my desire for cooking all things bad for me :)  At least then I can share them with friends and family and get them out of my kitchen so I'm not tempted.  Maybe by then I'll be in good enough shape that I can indulge a bit as well. 

I'm thinking I also need to start stretching more to gain a bit more flexibility, but also to relieve some of the pain in my lower half that I am sure is cause by tension and tightness of the muscles and ligaments.  I've been browsing Pinterest for Yoga positions and the like in hopes that I can find at least a few that I am actually capable of doing.  It's really sad that there aren't more Pins, or just information in general, available to those of us who can't do the "normal" Yoga poses and are limited to just a few.  Maybe that should become my next project?  Create a Yoga plan for disabled people.  Maybe I will.  After all the effort I will be putting in to finding poses and stretches that I can actually do, I might as well share my findings with others.



Never Give Up