Easter Sunday Thought Of The Week: Losing My Faith

After getting sick, I wondered how there could be a God that would allow something like this to happen to me. A single mother who has always tried to be good, and do good. A person who was trying so hard to be healthy and change her life for the better, and for the better of her daughter.

It's hard to continue to believe there is a God, or even a higher power, after you suffer such horrible tragedies and nothing seems to get better, only worse. I fell into depressions and simply lost my faith and my willingness to believe there was any good left in the world.

Drinking for many years and hanging with the wrong crowd only compounded my lack of faith. I really had no reason to believe in a God or anything greater than me that could be capable of doing any good. It was easier just to give up hope than to struggle with the why. The words "Godless bunch" really rang true to me back in those days. It seems many people who go through terrible tragedies lose their faith with God and turn to a darker side.

Even through my most recent struggles, I have been trying to get back to having some kind of faith. What that faith lies in, I am still unsure, but I do know there is something powerful that can help steer us back to a place of good, and a place of healing. It's important to hang on to something that gives a person hope that things will get better. As difficult as that can be to do, I do feel it's extremely important.

This post has been in my drafts for a while, and today I felt was the perfect day to finish it and get it published. I am still unsure what I truly believe in, and on days like today I really just go through the motions, but I can respect the story, and I can respect others' faith in God and in Jesus. Where my faith lies remains a mystery, but I am getting back to a place of faith and that's good.

Be Strong

Health Update August 14

Hello all,

Here is the latest update on the giant tumor in my belly:

I have had a battery of tests, including a biopsy of my uterus, all of which have come back normal!  Thank God, <taking a moment to actually thank Him>.  It is not cancer, and that makes me grateful beyond grateful.  I can handle anything with a smile on my face knowing I'm not battling the dreaded 'C' word.

Surgery to have a full hysterectomy and remove the tumor/tumors and my uterus was scheduled for this coming Monday, August 19th, but upon further testing, that has been postponed because my thyroid levels are dangerously low, and with good reason, my doctor will not perform the surgery until that is under control.  So, a tiny little pill every day to sort that out is all I have to do, and once I'm back to "normal" we will reschedule the surgery.

I am very excited to have this surgery.  I have wanted my uterus gone for many years.  These fibroid tumors run in my family, and I have known I have at least two for some time now, so I figured one day it would be a good idea to just have it taken out.  That day has come. 

It's nice to fully understand why I've been feeling so awful these past couple of years.  The weakness is explained by the tumor and my severe hypothyroidism.  Actually, all of my recent symptoms are explained away by both of these issues, and it's really great knowing that will be fixed.  My doctor is also referring me to a neurologist after my surgery to take a look at my condition and see if there is any way we can fix that too :)))

All in all, this is a good development in my life.  I have a lot to do, and will have some recovery time after the surgery, but that's a walk in the park compared to what it could have been.  I wake every morning with a smile on my face and thank God for sparing me.  I'm not done being a mommy to my beautiful daughter yet, and I want to see my grand babies and do a lot more in this life -- whether I can walk normal or not.

Thank you to all of you who have already sent me well wishes!  I appreciate it so much, and it's so nice to know there are so many wonderfully caring people in this world!

Never Give Up

Testing My Faith

My Faith is continually being tested; from faith in my abilities, to faith in other human beings, I am constantly feeling like Faith just isn't enough.  It seems like more so now then ever I am feeling like there is no end in sight to the physical and emotional pain I feel on a daily basis.

So, I decided to repost this just in case anyone else needed a "Faith Boost" like I did today:

TWENTY THINGS TO REMEMBER


1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.
3. As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.
4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
10. Laugh every day -- it's like inner jogging.
11. The most important things in your home are the people.
12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.
13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. Come on in.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
16 . We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.
17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's just hearsay.
18. Its all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking! Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Faith

Somewhere along the way, I lost my Faith.  I had no idea how much of an impact that can have on a person and their life, until it happened.  It wasn't until I began the journey back to my Faith that I was able to repair the damage and start rebuilding.

I found this and wanted to share it:

TWENTY THINGS TO REMEMBER
1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.
3. As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.
4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
10. Laugh every day -- it's like inner jogging.
11. The most important things in your home are the people.
12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.
13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. Come on in.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
16 . We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.
17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's just hearsay.
18. Its all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking! Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.