Showing posts with label effort. Show all posts
Showing posts with label effort. Show all posts
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Long Time Gone
Wow, I realized today that I haven't posted anything worthwhile in a very long time, yet again. I don't know why I keep failing so miserably, but I would like to apologize again. Life just seems to go by so quickly anymore.
I'm not sure how I'm doing, exactly. I feel like I'm at such a stale-mate. I am having a really hard time getting motivated lately, and I don't know if it's because of a little bit of depression, or maybe health issues, or both. Whatever it is, I want it to stop, and I want to feel good and have energy and want to do things again.
I had an idea today for something that might work at getting me moving around more. I've been addicted to Pinterest lately, and I have a board called "Food" that has upwards of 300 recipes on it so far. I was thinking I would start with at least 1 recipe a week; make the dish, take a picture of it, post it here with my awesome wordiness attached, and then move it to a new board called "Finished", or something along those lines. I think it might be a good way to get me out of the house to get the ingredients, then of course moving around the kitchen to create whatever fabulous dish is up for that week, and maybe even some more exercise if I decide to share it and bring it to friends so I don't end up 300 pounds by the end of it all. And if I really got motivated I could do more than 1 a week, maybe even 3! I don't know. It's an idea.
What I do know is something needs to change for me, and I'm the only one who can make the changes. So, I better get my ass in gear and figure out what I'm going to do. I'm starting to get a little moldy like my apartment.
I'm not sure how I'm doing, exactly. I feel like I'm at such a stale-mate. I am having a really hard time getting motivated lately, and I don't know if it's because of a little bit of depression, or maybe health issues, or both. Whatever it is, I want it to stop, and I want to feel good and have energy and want to do things again.
I had an idea today for something that might work at getting me moving around more. I've been addicted to Pinterest lately, and I have a board called "Food" that has upwards of 300 recipes on it so far. I was thinking I would start with at least 1 recipe a week; make the dish, take a picture of it, post it here with my awesome wordiness attached, and then move it to a new board called "Finished", or something along those lines. I think it might be a good way to get me out of the house to get the ingredients, then of course moving around the kitchen to create whatever fabulous dish is up for that week, and maybe even some more exercise if I decide to share it and bring it to friends so I don't end up 300 pounds by the end of it all. And if I really got motivated I could do more than 1 a week, maybe even 3! I don't know. It's an idea.
What I do know is something needs to change for me, and I'm the only one who can make the changes. So, I better get my ass in gear and figure out what I'm going to do. I'm starting to get a little moldy like my apartment.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Mt. Everest
I'm officially nervous and I think my stomach has turned itself inside out. Two days and 22+ hours from now I will be on a plane headed to Minnesota; chair-less.
The palms of my hands are beginning to chafe, and I'm hoping this will callous up in a day or two. If not, I may have to bring out my ugly gloves. Without my hands I don't have much left to get me around.
I can remember when I could have thrown a few clothes into a duffel bag and flown off to wherever I wanted, no planning necessary. Those days are long gone.
This expedition I am taking, I am comparing to what it must feel like when someone prepares to climb Mt. Everest. I might not be climbing 29,035 ft., but it's probably going to feel like it just with more oxygen.
This is my Everest. I've climbed the bridge at the park and labeled that my Everest, but I'm officially claiming this trip as my Everest. The work, and planning, and focus it will take to pull this off deserve nothing less.
I'm facing two weeks of doing everything differently. I will no longer have the security of "oh I'll just take my chair". Long distances are going to give me a pit in my stomach and a bead of sweat on my brow. Every time I step out of my car at a rest area I'm going to be mentally sizing up how far I will have to walk before I can use the bathroom. Every hotel is going to be a challenge if they can't get me a room close enough to where I park. Everything I do from the moment I leave that chair behind is going to be nothing less than hard work.
Imagine facing Everest for the first time... Exactly.
Can I do this? Will my arms and my hands hold out for that amount of walking? My arms are very strong, but in different ways than using a walker. My arms are used to pushing a chair forward, not pushing down on a walker repeatedly. Will I have to walk somewhere far and not be able to make it due to fatigue in my arms and legs? Or more appropriately, fatigue in my entire body.
I'm about to find out.
These are just a few of the questions that have been swarming my brain the past few days. The closer it gets to "go" time, the more questions arise. Scenarios just present themselves in my head and the anxiety inevitably follows. It's like a form of torture.
I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm confident. I'm determined. I'm ready.
One step at a time.
Only time will tell how capable I am of pulling off such a monumental feat. I know in my heart of hearts I can do this, and I will do this, but it's going to take every last drop of stubborn energy I have -- and then some.
The palms of my hands are beginning to chafe, and I'm hoping this will callous up in a day or two. If not, I may have to bring out my ugly gloves. Without my hands I don't have much left to get me around.
I can remember when I could have thrown a few clothes into a duffel bag and flown off to wherever I wanted, no planning necessary. Those days are long gone.
This expedition I am taking, I am comparing to what it must feel like when someone prepares to climb Mt. Everest. I might not be climbing 29,035 ft., but it's probably going to feel like it just with more oxygen.
I'm facing two weeks of doing everything differently. I will no longer have the security of "oh I'll just take my chair". Long distances are going to give me a pit in my stomach and a bead of sweat on my brow. Every time I step out of my car at a rest area I'm going to be mentally sizing up how far I will have to walk before I can use the bathroom. Every hotel is going to be a challenge if they can't get me a room close enough to where I park. Everything I do from the moment I leave that chair behind is going to be nothing less than hard work.
Imagine facing Everest for the first time... Exactly.
Can I do this? Will my arms and my hands hold out for that amount of walking? My arms are very strong, but in different ways than using a walker. My arms are used to pushing a chair forward, not pushing down on a walker repeatedly. Will I have to walk somewhere far and not be able to make it due to fatigue in my arms and legs? Or more appropriately, fatigue in my entire body.
I'm about to find out.
These are just a few of the questions that have been swarming my brain the past few days. The closer it gets to "go" time, the more questions arise. Scenarios just present themselves in my head and the anxiety inevitably follows. It's like a form of torture.
I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm confident. I'm determined. I'm ready.
One step at a time.
Only time will tell how capable I am of pulling off such a monumental feat. I know in my heart of hearts I can do this, and I will do this, but it's going to take every last drop of stubborn energy I have -- and then some.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Prove It
Flashback Friday: Prove It
This is just another great post from Gitzen Girl that I had to share. The concept of a fortune coming at just the right time is something that I am quite familiar with. I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, and it spurred me on and really made me start trying hard to walk again.
My mom and I were out to lunch at our favorite cheap and greasy chinese buffet. We started talking about our lives and what was new, and I mentioned to her I had been walking more and was planning to really give it my all, finally. She was of course supportive and very excited. When our fortunes came we did our usual "dance of the cookies" to mix them up and move them around before we pick, and my mother always gets to go first. Once she had opened and read hers, it was my turn, and this is what mine said:
"It doesn't take guts to quit"
That was it, that did it. I have been busting my hump ever since, and anytime I get tired and just "don't wanna" I remember that fortune (which I still have in my wallet) and I get off my ass and walk.
This is just another great post from Gitzen Girl that I had to share. The concept of a fortune coming at just the right time is something that I am quite familiar with. I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, and it spurred me on and really made me start trying hard to walk again.
My mom and I were out to lunch at our favorite cheap and greasy chinese buffet. We started talking about our lives and what was new, and I mentioned to her I had been walking more and was planning to really give it my all, finally. She was of course supportive and very excited. When our fortunes came we did our usual "dance of the cookies" to mix them up and move them around before we pick, and my mother always gets to go first. Once she had opened and read hers, it was my turn, and this is what mine said:
"It doesn't take guts to quit"
That was it, that did it. I have been busting my hump ever since, and anytime I get tired and just "don't wanna" I remember that fortune (which I still have in my wallet) and I get off my ass and walk.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Day 196
I spent some time reflecting yesterday. I was waist deep in a renovation project and had plenty of time to think. I decided yesterday would be a good day to finish the new floor in my pantry, remove all the old shelves to make room for the new, and paint the walls. While sitting on the floor measuring and fitting tiles, I started to think about the progression my body has taken during my journey to walking on my own power. It's definitely not quite as simple as just getting some long-dormant muscles stronger. There is much more to it than that, and when I stop think about it, I am in awe at how amazing, and possible things are in relation to the human body and its recovery.
The years I spent sitting in a wheelchair, I didn't often use my legs for much. I had become so used to them being weak and unusable that I adapted to using my arms for everything. They basically did nothing more than get in my way. What a person doesn't realize is when this happens, it's not just the muscles that become dormant, but it's your brain, and the signals your brain sends, that suffer as well. It's like a blind person whose other senses are refined; the brain disconnects from whatever part of the body is not being used so that it may focus its energies on the parts of the body that need it most.
Thinking about this process reminds me of my days in ICU when I was connected to a ventilator. My diaphragm was paralyzed and I was unable to breathe on my own. I was on a ventilator for a total of 34 days, and in that short period of time, my brain forgot how to breathe. When I regained the use of that muscle, I had to consciously think to myself "OK, breathe" in order to take every single breath. Imagine that for a minute. On average, a healthy adult at rest will take 12 breaths per minute. So twelve times per minute, I had to tell myself to breathe. At night I had to be reconnected to the ventilator. It only took a few days before the involuntary response kicked back in and I no longer had to think about it, but those few days really taught me the meaning of "learning how to breathe all over again".
The same is true for every other part of my body that was affected by this illness. To this day, I have to consciously think about lifting up my foot when I walk. My right leg can pretty much do it on its own, but my left still drags if I don't say in my head "OK, pick up your foot". It's like disconnecting your car radio: it's not going to work unless you reconnect those wires. I have to think about almost everything I do until it becomes involuntary once again. My brain has to reconnect the wires. I always used to think that if I could move it and feel it, I should be using it. Shame on me for not, but now I am learning how to walk all over again.
It really puts into perspective the length of time it takes to recover from any injury, and especially one that completely shut my entire body down. I can remember when trying to lift a 1-pound dumbbell seemed like the hardest thing I ever had to do, now my arms are so strong grown men have arm-wrestled me -- and lost.
It renews my hope that one day I will be looking back and saying "I remember when I could barely walk 300 steps" as I'm running down the beach, and it reaffirms the mantra I play over and over in my head -- Never Give Up!
Step count today: 936
Steps I'm behind: 5,596
The years I spent sitting in a wheelchair, I didn't often use my legs for much. I had become so used to them being weak and unusable that I adapted to using my arms for everything. They basically did nothing more than get in my way. What a person doesn't realize is when this happens, it's not just the muscles that become dormant, but it's your brain, and the signals your brain sends, that suffer as well. It's like a blind person whose other senses are refined; the brain disconnects from whatever part of the body is not being used so that it may focus its energies on the parts of the body that need it most.
Thinking about this process reminds me of my days in ICU when I was connected to a ventilator. My diaphragm was paralyzed and I was unable to breathe on my own. I was on a ventilator for a total of 34 days, and in that short period of time, my brain forgot how to breathe. When I regained the use of that muscle, I had to consciously think to myself "OK, breathe" in order to take every single breath. Imagine that for a minute. On average, a healthy adult at rest will take 12 breaths per minute. So twelve times per minute, I had to tell myself to breathe. At night I had to be reconnected to the ventilator. It only took a few days before the involuntary response kicked back in and I no longer had to think about it, but those few days really taught me the meaning of "learning how to breathe all over again".
The same is true for every other part of my body that was affected by this illness. To this day, I have to consciously think about lifting up my foot when I walk. My right leg can pretty much do it on its own, but my left still drags if I don't say in my head "OK, pick up your foot". It's like disconnecting your car radio: it's not going to work unless you reconnect those wires. I have to think about almost everything I do until it becomes involuntary once again. My brain has to reconnect the wires. I always used to think that if I could move it and feel it, I should be using it. Shame on me for not, but now I am learning how to walk all over again.
It really puts into perspective the length of time it takes to recover from any injury, and especially one that completely shut my entire body down. I can remember when trying to lift a 1-pound dumbbell seemed like the hardest thing I ever had to do, now my arms are so strong grown men have arm-wrestled me -- and lost.
It renews my hope that one day I will be looking back and saying "I remember when I could barely walk 300 steps" as I'm running down the beach, and it reaffirms the mantra I play over and over in my head -- Never Give Up!
Step count today: 936
Steps I'm behind: 5,596
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Day 140
The day after I did my 1,031 steps, I took a break. I had company coming, so I had to clean all day, and my legs were feeling the affects from the day before, so I figured it was a good time to rest and let the muscles repair themselves. Yesterday, I took as many steps as I could muster, but after having company and not getting much sleep, I did just below my daily requirement and then called it. I figured it's best to be a little short, than fall and get behind even further.
Today will be my day to attempt to squeeze in 1,000 again, and do three miles in my chair. The miles are getting easier and easier, as I get in better and better shape. The better shape I am in, the longer distances I can walk before becoming fatigued. It's all such a great process, and I love how it's making my body feel. I've always had a strong ticker, and I love that it's getting even stronger with all the cardio I am doing. It's going to need to be strong to once again pump blood through 6' of standing me!
So, it's off to the races today. The last thousand steps I did made me feel so accomplished and proud that I just can't wait to get another thousand down.
Step count today: 1103
Steps I'm behind: 7,063
Today will be my day to attempt to squeeze in 1,000 again, and do three miles in my chair. The miles are getting easier and easier, as I get in better and better shape. The better shape I am in, the longer distances I can walk before becoming fatigued. It's all such a great process, and I love how it's making my body feel. I've always had a strong ticker, and I love that it's getting even stronger with all the cardio I am doing. It's going to need to be strong to once again pump blood through 6' of standing me!
So, it's off to the races today. The last thousand steps I did made me feel so accomplished and proud that I just can't wait to get another thousand down.
Step count today: 1103
Steps I'm behind: 7,063
Monday, May 17, 2010
Day 137
Between a visit from my father, and my daughter's 8th grade dance, I missed a few days of walking. I know I shouldn't let life get in the way like that, but sometimes it does. I just don't quite move fast enough yet to be able to slow down on those busy days, and walk. Besides, I think the rest does me good. I am doing great with the step count today, and am almost to my goal! I feel strong and motivated and I love it!
Shooting for 1,000 today!
Step count today: 1,031
Steps I'm behind: 7,614
Shooting for 1,000 today!
Step count today: 1,031
Steps I'm behind: 7,614
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 132
It has been a great walking day today. My legs feel strong, and thinking back to how I used to walk, I am taking much more normal steps with a more normal stride. I can also walk a lot further before becoming fatigued, both in my arms and my legs. I will shoot for 400 steps a day for the rest of May, and I can't wait to see how much I progress after that!
Step count today: 579
Steps I'm behind: 7,275
Step count today: 579
Steps I'm behind: 7,275
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Day 128
It is a sweltering day here in Florida. The humidity is thick as butter today! Should make for an interesting cardio session later, especially when I add some weight to my chair for an even better workout.
I was tired yesterday, and lacking energy. We went to the trail to get in our miles, and I was struggling so I called it at one mile. I felt like such a pansy, but I guess my body was just having "one of those days". I know something is better than nothing, but it frustrates me when I feel like I just can't go on no matter how hard I try. For someone who is now doing three miles at a time, one mile just seems like defeat. I know it's not, but it seems like it.
Today will be better. I also need to get some more steps and crawling in today. It will be a busy day of working out so I can make up for being such a weakling yesterday ;^)
I can't wait to get out in the heat and sweat off some frustrations.
Step count today: 277
Steps I'm behind: 7,171
I was tired yesterday, and lacking energy. We went to the trail to get in our miles, and I was struggling so I called it at one mile. I felt like such a pansy, but I guess my body was just having "one of those days". I know something is better than nothing, but it frustrates me when I feel like I just can't go on no matter how hard I try. For someone who is now doing three miles at a time, one mile just seems like defeat. I know it's not, but it seems like it.
Today will be better. I also need to get some more steps and crawling in today. It will be a busy day of working out so I can make up for being such a weakling yesterday ;^)
I can't wait to get out in the heat and sweat off some frustrations.
Step count today: 277
Steps I'm behind: 7,171
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Day 126
I celebrated Cinco de Mayo yesterday with five miles. That's the first five mile "roll" I've done since I began training. It felt great!
The only downside I can see to doing so much cardio is that it has increased my energy levels exponentially, and now all I want to do is get out there and do more cardio. I am finding mundane everyday tasks boring and effortless. These are all good developments, it's just going to take some getting used to. I am learning to manage the higher energy levels, but I never thought it would be so hard to do. I'm suddenly like Speedy Gonzales on steroids... ZOOM!
Getting in shape has never felt so good, and with each pound that comes off, and each mile I add to my workout, I notice how much easier it is to walk and crawl. I still have my "off" days of course, but I can really start to feel results and I'm loving it. It has become my way of life that every single day I have to do something to work up a sweat, and something that makes me use my body more than the day before. It's as if I'm 21 again (I wish).
Today will be no exception. Once this coffee kicks in I'm off to do something good.
Step count today: 250
Steps I'm behind: 7,175
The only downside I can see to doing so much cardio is that it has increased my energy levels exponentially, and now all I want to do is get out there and do more cardio. I am finding mundane everyday tasks boring and effortless. These are all good developments, it's just going to take some getting used to. I am learning to manage the higher energy levels, but I never thought it would be so hard to do. I'm suddenly like Speedy Gonzales on steroids... ZOOM!
Getting in shape has never felt so good, and with each pound that comes off, and each mile I add to my workout, I notice how much easier it is to walk and crawl. I still have my "off" days of course, but I can really start to feel results and I'm loving it. It has become my way of life that every single day I have to do something to work up a sweat, and something that makes me use my body more than the day before. It's as if I'm 21 again (I wish).
Today will be no exception. Once this coffee kicks in I'm off to do something good.
Step count today: 250
Steps I'm behind: 7,175
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Day 42
(edited to reflect the right day - day 42, not 41)
My computer crashed yesterday mid-walk so I wrote my steps down and had to update it today. My weight machine also took a dump yesterday so I did 1 set of 15 reps with 5 lbs and that was the end of that.
I really want a bowflex machine.
Step count today: 296
My computer crashed yesterday mid-walk so I wrote my steps down and had to update it today. My weight machine also took a dump yesterday so I did 1 set of 15 reps with 5 lbs and that was the end of that.
I really want a bowflex machine.
Step count today: 296
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wow. Just, Wow!
This is an amazing story of determination and struggle:
Paralyzed Motocross Racer Walks By Sheer Willpower
Give 'er hell!
Paralyzed Motocross Racer Walks By Sheer Willpower
Give 'er hell!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I wish...
There are so many things I want to do, so much I have missed out on over the years. I miss the feel of sand under my feet, and the ability to swim in the ocean. Just being able to climb a set of stairs is such a distant memory. To walk through the morning dew on the grass, or go to the park and go on the hiking trails. My life has been restricted by these four wheels I ride on and I'm quite frankly sick and tired of it.
Before I go anywhere I have to plan and make sure it's accessible. Are there bathrooms accessible to me? Will I be able to see passed the butts in my face? Will it take me a year to get through the people who don't see me until I touch them and say "excuse me"? These examples just barely scratch the surface of what I must think about and go through just to go anywhere.
It will be nice to not have to think so much. If I want to go somewhere, to just be able to pack up and go. If I'm buying a car, to not have to think about if there is room enough for my chair. My life has revolved around this wheelchair for much too long.
I want to go to the Grand Canyon and hike. I want to take a kayak to a remote island and get out and have some alone time. I want to ride a bike until my legs feel like they will fall off!
All I can do is keep trying and keep praying. I will get there, I just know I will.
Before I go anywhere I have to plan and make sure it's accessible. Are there bathrooms accessible to me? Will I be able to see passed the butts in my face? Will it take me a year to get through the people who don't see me until I touch them and say "excuse me"? These examples just barely scratch the surface of what I must think about and go through just to go anywhere.
It will be nice to not have to think so much. If I want to go somewhere, to just be able to pack up and go. If I'm buying a car, to not have to think about if there is room enough for my chair. My life has revolved around this wheelchair for much too long.
I want to go to the Grand Canyon and hike. I want to take a kayak to a remote island and get out and have some alone time. I want to ride a bike until my legs feel like they will fall off!
All I can do is keep trying and keep praying. I will get there, I just know I will.
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