I'm Back

I know that I went dark for a little while, and I guess it was just a much needed break. My visit to U of M ended in disappointment, and I think I just became very discouraged. I received a phone call from the neurologist who examined me, and in his words he is "convinced I had some sort of myelitis and this is the unfortunate aftermath". Well, that's kind of obvious and doesn't really help me figure out a solution now does it?

I know I suffered some sort of myelitis. That was not why I was sent all the way to U of M. I was sent there to try to get to the bottom of why things have changed so drastically, and why my legs are making my life a living hell. He did the blood tests, which all came back normal or negative, and he examined my reflexes and level of nerve function, etc, but I guess that's the end of the line. He's not going to go any further with trying to find the cause. He suggested Botox injections and referred me to Physiatry down there, but this is something I can accomplish here at home without all the traveling and stress, so I am not pursuing that avenue.

We are, however, pursuing it here at home. I have Botox injections for my inner thighs and hamstrings scheduled for July 22. This was the soonest we could get it done since it has to be submitted to insurance first, hopefully approved, and then ordered. I am very hopeful that this provides enough relief that I am able to finally get my legs stretched out and a little more mobile and flexible. The fentanyl patch has done wonders for my every day mobility and movement, but my legs still refuse to go completely straight and I am still unable to stand.

I have an appointment today with Occupational Therapy to be measured for a new wheelchair. Hopefully, Medicare will pay for a new one in full, but I am not convinced. Medicare doesn't even pay for my medical bills in full. I am now facing thousands of dollars of bills piling up that are my responsibility, which brings me to my GoFundMe page.

Originally, I created my GoFundMe page for the expenses of driving to, and staying in, Minneapolis for what was supposed to be a lengthy search into what is ailing me. Now that it seems that has hit a dead end, the leftover funds will not go to waste. They will be applied to the medical bills that are currently looming over my head, and also to possibly my share of a new wheelchair. The wheelchair I am in serves its purpose no doubt, but it has seen better days. It's also quite heavy, so a newer, lighter version of a chair would go a long way to lessening the damage being done to my upper body every time I have to lift it in and out of my car.

I turned donations off for a while after I found out U of M was pretty much a dead end, but I have since turned them back on now that I have all the other expenses here at home piling up. I will not be actively sharing or pursuing donations as much as I was, since there was still around $500 that went unused from previous donations, and will now be applied to my previously mentioned bills, but the page is there and donations back on for whomever comes across it and decides to be generous.

So, I have not given up, but the path has changed a bit. Things are staying here at home, which is nice. I would still love to get into Mayo and have them take a stab at my mysterious case, but for now I am happy with where things are and are headed.

Never Give Up

My First Appointment With U of M

My first appointment at U of M went well. It was short and sweet. The facility is amazing! The staff and doctors are amazing. The neurologist had a lot of insight and ideas into what he believes is going on with my body, and has been going on with my body since my first episode in 1997 that left me with residual weakness in my lower half.

Heading in to Minneapolis for my first appointment with U of M

I had to do quite a bit of searching to find a hotel with beds that were low enough for me to get in and out of unassisted. Although my daughter is a skilled CNA and could lift me in and out of bed no problem, I see no need to put her through that when I can simply find a hotel with low enough beds. Not to mention I get up several times a night to use the bathroom and I would never in a million years wake her that many times to do so.

The hotel I did find was awesome! The Aloft in downtown Minneapolis was only $93.00 for a double queen bed wheelchair accessible room, and it was ACTUALLY ACCESSIBLE! I end up having issues with so-called "accessible" rooms when I get in there and the bathroom door isn't wide enough, or it opens into the bathroom so I can go in and close the door at the same time. But, this hotel had a sliding barn door style door on the bathroom with a full length mirror and a HUGE shower with fold down seats and a removable shower head. The beds are platform beds that were the perfect height for me. All in all I was very happy with everything about this hotel; the price, the accessibility, the staff, the location. I give it an A+ for sure!

Aloft Hotel, Downtown Minneapolis - yay for low platform beds

We even had a nice view of the new stadium! The sun was shining bright as soon as we walked in, and I really needed that positive and bright atmosphere to brighten my spirits and really make me feel welcome and safe the night before my appointment.

We even had a view of the new stadium

My grandson loved the bed, and he even got a bath in the bathroom sink! It was so much fun hanging out with my daughter and grandson. We laughed and enjoyed the quiet, bonding time. We haven't had much of that since the little guy was born. My daughter has been busy with him, and work, and all her other grown-up responsibilities, and I have been busy with my health issues and doctor's appointments, etc. It was just what we needed amidst all of our daily life responsibilities. I even got a bit of a break from the constant pain that consumes my every waking moment. The pain is always there, but every now and then when I'm enjoying myself, I get distracted enough that it's not center stage quite as much.

Grandbaby approves!

My loves enjoying the peaceful time.

Had a bath in the sink! I feel great!

There was a sushi restaurant across the street from our hotel, and since it was on the second floor of the building, we were concerned about my accessibility (as usual - that's always a factor), so my daughter just went over and got us some dinner and brought it back - her treat. She's so good to me I can't even put it in words, because there aren't words great enough to match her greatness.

Yummy Tuna Sashimi!

Mom and son quality time :)

The following morning we left plenty early so we could find the place and get parked and inside with plenty of time to spare. All went well and everything went off without a hitch. Next time, however, I will do the valet parking like they suggested. It's just too busy and too much hassle when it doesn't cost any more to let them do it than if you do it yourself.

Sunrise in Minneapolis

U of M here I am

It's nice to actually look forward to revisiting a medical facility. I will be going back many, many times. I hope that each time is as pleasant as the first.

My final step in the process was to leave 7 vials of my blood behind for testing. I have yet to receive the results, but let's hope they are good. None of the tests are anything I want to come back positive, except the copper levels. He said occasionally copper levels can be too low and that can cause problems such as mine. So, that one can be positive if it wants, because that's an easy fix!

Never Give Up

University of Minnesota Health Clinic And Surgery Center

Road Trip

So, I'll be leaving Sunday morning to head to Minneapolis and get settled in at a hotel. My appointment at University of Minnesota Medical Center is at 8:55 Monday morning. I'm excited, scared, frustrated, and looking forward to the drive, but not looking forward to the drive - if that makes any sense. I think it will be nice to get a little road trip in and get away for a day or two, but it's not as if I'm going to do anything fun. I will just enjoy whatever I can and keep my hopes up that they will treat me well and we are on the road to figuring something out in regards to my weird, angry body.

I will take pictures and of course update a lot!

Chronic Illness: How Quickly Things Change

My life used to revolve around work, exercise, and whatever little bit of social life I had.  Now it revolves around doctors appointments, tests, medicine refills, and constant worry about what the future holds. A person can go through life day after day doing the same routine, never knowing that one day it can all change and become a very different kind of routine. The kind of routine some people are lucky enough to never experience.

I spend my days scheduling appointments, collaborating my schedule with my daughter's so that she can either take off of work or find other child care, and keeping track of when was the last time I took what pill and when do I need to take another one. I'm almost always tired, I can't drink alcohol, and my social life has come to a near screeching halt. It's tough to muster the energy to do anything beyond care for yourself when your body is nothing but constant work. After a day of fighting pain, with every movement hurting so badly you dread just putting on your shoes, all a person wants to do is lay down in bed and stay there. Being social and having "fun" is a thing of the past. I do my best, but it's slowly slipping between my fingers and just another aspect of my old life falling away.

I will not let this become my normal. This is a temporary mountain I must climb, as I've done before, and will do again. At least this time I'm one step ahead by being more educated and having the strength I didn't know I had before. This time it's going to happen on my terms.

I just want my life back, but the unfortunate truth is I can't have that until I get my body back. The biggest question haunting me day after day is; will I ever get it back? I wish I could have been one of the lucky ones who never really had much more than a bad flu or a broken bone, but I'm one of the "lucky" ones who's had several different medical conditions that are not just an annoyance, but a complete life changer. I've learned to accept that, and in fact I'm starting to embrace it as possibly that's what I was put here to do. Maybe my purpose in life is to suffer these ills so that others don't have to in the future. Or, at least that's what I tell myself so I don't go completely insane constantly wondering "why me?".

All I can do is keep telling myself, and believing, that I will persevere. I press on - going to the appointments, taking the medications, doing the research, trying my hardest to do every tiny thing physically possible to keep my lower half moving and flexible despite its constant fight to cease up and be useless. I will not let that happen. I will fight. I will never give up.

Guillain-Barre, I Hate You

I've been struggling with writing this today because I'm so sad and frustrated. The last MRI found nothing of significance to cause what's happening to me. There is mild degeneration, mild arthritis, etc, but no spinal chord issues and no tumors or lesions. I mean, this is obviously great news, but for me it's just more questions. Without something staring us in the face and saying "hi, I'm the reason you're in constant pain and your legs are tight and miserable", we are left with nothing but more questions, and more tests, and I am left frustrated and sad. I can't think of another word for how I'm feeling except sad.

So, U of M here we come. You've got your work cut out for you. Mayo may still be an option, also. I spoke with my doctor today, and he agrees I need to write a detailed letter explaining the whole story. Mayo is only seeing a very small picture of a much larger story that spans nearly 18 years now, and in my doctor's own words "this is not an easy case". I am going to write that letter, and I am also going to ask my doctor if he would be willing to write one as well. Since my records from my initial illness are long gone, it's up to me to fill in the blanks that Mayo has not yet seen.

So, here I am, back to square one. Thankfully, I officially fired my old pain doctor and now have my primary physician handling my pain management. He supplied me with a Fentanyl patch today, and so far it's making a world of difference! The only tweak that will need to be made is a stronger dose. He gave me the lowest dose just to be on the safe side, and I agreed that was the right way to go, but I can already tell I will be fine with a stronger dose, and I am definitely going to need it. The benefits of the patch are too numerous to count; starting with, I actually felt like I might be able to stand up today. I tried, but things are still too bent and too tight, but the urge was there, and I feel after having the patch a bit longer, and maybe even having to wait for a stronger dose, I might be able to start standing again. If I can do that, I can hopefully get these damn legs working better and not just being huge pains (literally).

Lumbar MRI

That face, right there, is what keeps me going through all of this crap with my health. There are days I get so tired of it being such a constant force, I start to feel so much anxiety and go a little crazy, and then my daughter sends me a picture like this and it all goes away, even if just for a second.

That little boy has been, and will continue to be, my savior. He has so much happiness within him, and it's so contagious! 

So, tomorrow is the MRI of my lumbar. The final section of my spine to go through the MRI. If they don't find anything tomorrow, things are going to get very complicated, as every other section, including my brain, has been clear. Knowing this is making me even more anxiety ridden than usual, and I've been blowing my daughter's phone up with all of my fears and worries, so she sent me the above picture. She bought that for my grandson, and seeing that just reminded me how true of a statement that really is, for both him and her. I love them both so much, and I make sure they feel that love constantly. That is why whatever is ailing me is going to be found, and fixed, so that I can be OK for my babies. So that I can be around for both of them and bring them the comfort and joy they deserve in their lives.

I just don't think I can handle any more bad news. I really just want this to be easy for once. I want to hear them say "we found it, and it can be removed, and you will be on your way to recovery". In my extensive experience, however, it doesn't usually go that way. In fact, it usually goes just the opposite and is the kind of news you think to yourself "wow, that would really suck to get that kind of news". 

That has been my life up til now. I can't seem to just have normal health issues. They always have to be some kind of rare disease, or turn out to be a 4 pound tumor making a home in my uterus. Fibroid tumors are very common in women, and especially in my family, but I just had to be the one with the extreme case; walking around with a tumor the size of a 17-week fetus inside my body. That gets removed, and I begin to move on with my life thinking maybe I'll go for a while now without any more serious health issues, and then this comes along. Slowly my legs get tighter and tighter until I'm no longer able to stand and then they take it all the way to I am no longer able to get them to go straight. The pain only continues to increase, and I am once again left scratching my head and thinking "what the hell did I ever do in this life to deserve such weird health issues?". 

I'm a firm believer in putting out positive energy and getting positive results, so I am trying my very hardest to do that this time as well, but it's getting to be harder and harder each time. I just keep telling myself it simply has to be OK for my daughter, and for my new grandson. They need me in their lives as much as I need them in mine. They need me to be OK. So, I will be. Even if this MRI doesn't find anything, U of M will. We will get this figured out, and I will go back to being off of drugs, as healthy as I can be, and exercising and being active and taking care of my grandson and daughter like I should be able to for a very long time. That's really my only wish. As much as I would love to walk again, I'm not even going to be greedy and ask for that. All I really want out of this most recent development is to go back to the way I was before this all came about. My legs were weak, but they were limber and didn't hurt. I had to use a wheelchair most of the time, but I could stand and I could climb stairs if I needed to, and I could walk a little with a walker if I needed to as well. I will be happy if I am blessed enough to go back to that. Just not being in pain, and my legs not being so tight and immobile will be the greatest blessing in the world to me right now. It doesn't sound like much, but with my luck (or bad luck) with my health, it seems like that's asking for the world.

Never Give Up

Florida Sunset

An older post, and one of the only things I miss about living in Florida; the sunsets.

Honeymoon Island, FL

Someone To Lean On

As usual, leaning on my beautiful daughter for support.  She has turned into such an amazing woman throughout all the struggles we've been through together.  She is a caring and loving person who just wants to help people, and she's pursuing that dream.  She officially became a CNA this month and works at a psychiatric hospital, and will be returning to school to pursue a nursing degree.  I couldn't be more proud.

This photo was taken in 2010 on a trip we took that summer after I began using my walker to try to get stronger and hopefully walk again someday.  That actually went quite well for a few years until my hysterectomy in late 2013 when all of the new issues began.  I have fought and fought but whatever is causing problems now seems to keep winning.  I'm still fighting!

(Originally posted August 12, 2010)

Mom and mini

Today Is Good

This photo was taken in August of 2014 when I still felt "good".  Back then my legs were still weak, but at least they were flexible and didn't hurt.  This is the trail that I go to in the summer to workout.  My only source of cardio is pushing in my chair for miles and miles, so that's what I do.  Lately, I've been in so much pain and my legs have been so bad that I can barely even do this one thing that I love so much.

Last night's bath seemed to have helped, although I'm not sure if it's that or the fact that I took double the dose of my muscle relaxer.  I'm sure it's both, but mostly the medicine.  I had to sleep.  I couldn't be a tired, cranky, painful grandma for my grandson today.  He will be here in a half an hour, and since I slept I can't wait!

What Happens At Grandma's Stays At Grandma's

I feel fortunate to still be able to take care of my grandson while my daughter goes to work as a CNA.  My hope is that I stay well enough through all of this to continue to care for him.

Just Got The Call

I just received a call from my neurologists office that my insurance approved Mayo, and now Mayo is reviewing my files.  I should hear in 10-14 days if they've approved me and when my appointment will be if they have!

Please, oh please, let them approve me and take me in and figure out what ails me! (praying)

Back To It

I've decided to get back to my blog.  It's been a very long time since I've posted anything worthwhile, but I had good reason.  I think.

I spent the last 5 years or so grieving yet another loss.  I moved from Florida back to my hometown in Minnesota, and in the process went through a ton of trials and tribulations -- to put it mildly.  I had no money, no car, a shitty basement apartment.  But, I had a roof over my head and food to eat (barely).  I've spent these years working my hardest to get back on my feet, and so far, so good.  I am slowly getting back on my feet figuratively as well as literally, although I've suffered a few setbacks to the literal aspect.

Thanks to a person I will no longer refer to as having any relation to me, I have a nice car.  I live in a great apartment on the top floor in downtown.  It's fully handicapped accessible all the way through to the bedroom closet, and the rent is cheap.  And, I've been back to work and doing well.  The biggest drawback I've had recently has been my health, once again.  I am dealing with tons of pain, tightness, and loss of range of motion and flexibility.

Although, I do believe it's because my legs are coming back.  After nearly 18 years, I truly believe something has healed and I am fortunate enough to be gaining full use of my legs again.  After 18 years, anything that comes back to life is going to be mad and not feel very good.  I see the doubt on my doctor's faces when I mention that idea, but I don't care what they think or what they think they know.  People in comas have come out of their coma after 20 years by some "miracle", so why can't my legs do the same?  They can.

The tightness I've been feeling, at first, I thought was spasticity, but now I am convinced it's tone returning.  They are extremely sensitive to touch and jump and spasm when touched, and that just makes me think well "duhhhh!"  I can feel more than I could before and those nerves that were dormant for 18 years are now alive and awake.  I'd jump and flinch if I hadn't moved in 18 years, too!

I am reminded every day of my favorite doctor, Dr. James Burnett, and how after asking me how I was doing and I would say "my back hurts, but other than that I'm good", he would say "well, at least you can feel it!"  That's exactly what I say to myself every time the pain in my legs gets so bad I don't think I can handle it.  I just shut my eyes and remember him and say "at least you can feel it".

This all started in my hips at the beginning of this year, and has since progressed down to my thighs and knees.  This tells me it's moving down, which is what it should do if there is a nerve that is healing.  This is great news.  I am interested to see where I will be in another couple of months!  I'm very scared, but I'm very, very, very hopeful and happy that my gut keeps telling me I'm getting my legs back.  I always listen to my gut, it's never wrong.

It's My Blog and I'll Cry If I Want To

Sometimes it's hard to be sunny and cheery, especially when outside forces insist on ruining what was starting off as a perfectly good day.

People suck.

I spend my days working hard at being positive and doing the right thing.  I don't ask anyone for anything.  So why then do people still insist on making my life a living hell just because they can?  I'll never learn the answer to that question as long as I live.

I spent a large portion of my life being controlled like a puppet on a string, and it seems those puppeteers just keep trying to reattach those strings.  I am much stronger than that, so it will never happen again, but it's still a frustration.  Why bother?  Just leave me alone.  I'm doing just fine right where I am, doing what I'm doing.

Go away.

When did I give the impression I am unable to take care of myself or that I am too stupid to figure things out on my own?  When in my life did I let on that I am unable to be my own person and make my own decisions?  The keyword being my decisions.  Mine in that they are mine, I own them, I make them for a reason, and those reasons, although really none of anyone's business but my own, are good reasons.  Every decision I make is well thought out, made by me and only me, and not influenced by anyone, finally.  Decisions that will make my life better in some way, and ones that will have a positive impact on my future.  So tell me again why you can't just leave me be?

Control.

What makes one person so obsessed with controlling another?  When there are no blood ties, no rings on fingers, and no financial or substantial connections, why is it so necessary to care so deeply what the other person does with his/her life?  I truly believe it is an issue of control and the lack of it.  Where there once was a dynamic in which one person had almost total control over another, and now doesn't, I believe that creates a void in the controller (puppeteer) which they feel needs to be filled once again.

Not.  Going.  To.  Happen.

And I'm not sorry.

This time in my life is a crucial one.  I am on the path to walking again.  Everything I do revolves around my recovery.  In the past, I allowed myself to be weak and vulnerable, and I gave in to natural urges that ultimately got me nowhere.  I self-medicated.  I gave in to giving up.  I failed.

I will never fail again.

To me failure does not lie in not reaching a goal; it's in not trying.  You can't do anything if you don't try, and when you try, and I mean really give it your all, that's success.

This is my freedom we are talking about.  My independence.  A normal way of life.

Perhaps that is the issue.  My independence is a threat to those who want me kept down.  I get it now.

Too effing bad.

What I do with my life, is my life, get over it. 

Some people find it necessary to make other people's lives their business and all about them.  I find it necessary to make my life my business and all about me.

I am stubborn and strong and have been given the opportunity to really work hard at getting my legs back.  Nothing and nobody will stand in the way of that ever again.

Day 196

I spent some time reflecting yesterday.  I was waist deep in a renovation project and had plenty of time to think.  I decided yesterday would be a good day to finish the new floor in my pantry, remove all the old shelves to make room for the new, and paint the walls.  While sitting on the floor measuring and fitting tiles, I started to think about the progression my body has taken during my journey to walking on my own power.  It's definitely not quite as simple as just getting some long-dormant muscles stronger.  There is much more to it than that, and when I stop think about it, I am in awe at how amazing, and possible things are in relation to the human body and its recovery.

The years I spent sitting in a wheelchair, I didn't often use my legs for much.  I had become so used to them being weak and unusable that I adapted to using my arms for everything.  They basically did nothing more than get in my way.  What a person doesn't realize is when this happens, it's not just the muscles that become dormant, but it's your brain, and the signals your brain sends, that suffer as well.  It's like a blind person whose other senses are refined;  the brain disconnects from whatever part of the body is not being used so that it may focus its energies on the parts of the body that need it most. 

Thinking about this process reminds me of my days in ICU when I was connected to a ventilator.  My diaphragm was paralyzed and I was unable to breathe on my own.  I was on a ventilator for a total of 34 days, and in that short period of time, my brain forgot how to breathe.  When I regained the use of that muscle, I had to consciously think to myself "OK, breathe" in order to take every single breath.  Imagine that for a minute.  On average, a healthy adult at rest will take 12 breaths per minute.  So twelve times per minute, I had to tell myself to breathe.  At night I had to be reconnected to the ventilator.  It only took a few days before the involuntary response kicked back in and I no longer had to think about it, but those few days really taught me the meaning of "learning how to breathe all over again".

The same is true for every other part of my body that was affected by this illness.  To this day, I have to consciously think about lifting up my foot when I walk.  My right leg can pretty much do it on its own, but my left still drags if I don't say in my head "OK, pick up your foot".  It's like disconnecting your car radio:  it's not going to work unless you reconnect those wires.  I have to think about almost everything I do until it becomes involuntary once again.  My brain has to reconnect the wires.  I always used to think that if I could move it and feel it, I should be using it.  Shame on me for not, but now I am learning how to walk all over again.

It really puts into perspective the length of time it takes to recover from any injury, and especially one that completely shut my entire body down.  I can remember when trying to lift a 1-pound dumbbell seemed like the hardest thing I ever had to do, now my arms are so strong grown men have arm-wrestled me -- and lost.

It renews my hope that one day I will be looking back and saying "I remember when I could barely walk 300 steps" as I'm running down the beach, and it reaffirms the mantra I play over and over in my head --  Never Give Up!



Step count today:  936

Steps I'm behind:  5,596

Day 166

So, I've been gone again for a few days.  I received some terrible news recently that my best friend passed away, and I needed to deal with that.  I'm not sure how to deal with it, really.  At first I was all over the place with my emotions, bordering on a panic attack many times, until I found out it was what she wanted, then I think I found my peace.

Susan battled with cancer for a very long time.  She was a strong fighting champion, and if you just met her, you would never know what she was really going through.  She always had a bright, sunny smile and nice things to say.  Her death came so suddenly, I assumed the cancer had finally taken over and she had lost her battle, but in reality, she won.  She decided it was time, and she didn't want to suffer anymore.  She took her life into her own hands like she always had and made the decision to let nature take its course.  I always admired her for her courage and willingness to do what needed to be done.  I know that she just knew this was going to continue to be a very long, hard battle, and the only way she would come out a winner was to decide when and how she finally let go.  That takes enormous strength, something Susan definitely possessed.  I will miss her terribly, but I am so glad she has found her peace in this world and I look forward to the day when I see her again.

So now that I am able to function a bit more normally, I am back to my walking routine.  I bought myself some new shoes yesterday, and today I am wearing them without my foot brace just to see how my left foot does.

I have even more reason to work even harder now.  Susan always cheered me on and always believed in me, and I will never let her down.  I can feel her gently coaxing me, telling me I can do it and to never give up!

Step count today:  215

Steps I'm behind:  7,745

Day 160

So, it's official, I will be going up north to see my family this summer!  I am very excited about this new development, and have a lot of work and planning to do as I will be going sans chair!  That's right, I will be taking a walker only... eek!

I did very well walking yesterday, and I did it all barefoot, something that has been quite difficult for me over the course of this journey.  The last time I tried walking barefoot for any length of time (over 400 steps or so), my feet would get very fatigued and then turn inward onto my arches and I did not have the strength to get them back straight.  To prevent this, I would simply wear my sneakers and my foot brace.  Yesterday, I didn't need the shoes, or the brace, and I did rather well considering I walked over 800 steps in a somewhat short period of time!

Going on such a long trip without my wheels is something I would have never thought of doing even two months ago.  I have come so far that it's almost unbelievable.  This will be a huge trip, and something I need to start planning for today, but I am up for the challenge!  I'm strong and capable, and I will do this.

The biggest obstacle I see as of now is the airport.  I will have to get there several hours early to be sure they have a chair available to get me through the vast expanse of the airport, to the gate, and on the plane.  No problem there, it just takes planning.  The other obstacle will of course be fatigue, but provided I bust ass walking from now until then, I will do nothing but get into better shape than I am now, and I could do the trip now if I had to.

I will of course be in constant motion up north, going from place to place trying to see as many people as I can while I'm there, but there will always be time to sit and visit, and rest.

Who knows, maybe by then (seven weeks from now) I will be able to just take some crutches.  Those would be easier to transport, although as of now they are not easier to walk with, so time will tell.

The big event will be the trip home.  I am driving.  Driving is the easy part, it's the stops and the walking that's the hard part.  Although, after hours of being on the road, the stretching and moving around will no doubt feel good.

Besides, how can I possibly not be happy on the trip home when THIS is what I will be driving:

And P.S., the lavender house in the background is the house I grew up in!  My cousins own it now.  Yes, it has been that color since I can remember.

I am just vibrating with excitement right now.  Time to get to work!

Step count today:  726

Steps I'm behind:  6,893

Day 141

After walking 1,103 steps yesterday, my left hip is hurting me a bit today.  I also suffered with a terrible leg spasm all -- night -- long.  My left leg spasmed hard, and quite painfully, from the time I laid down until the time I got up in the morning.  I'm sure it's just the extra movement, or it's pissed off, or whatever.  All I know is it was painful, I couldn't sleep, and it was terribly annoying.

So today I thought I would take it a bit easier in the step department, although I don't seem to be doing that as of yet.

Step count today:  713

Steps I'm behind:  6,624

Autoimmune Diseases Suck - Day 130

Today is World Lupus Day:  http://www.lupus.org/newsite/index.html

I spent some time on the above site reading about Lupus.  Lupus is just one of many autoimmune diseases to affect thousands of people every year.  The Autoimmune Epidemic is a frightening thing.  What are we doing to ourselves that is causing our bodies to attack?  We are obviously a society doing just about everything wrong that we can possibly do wrong.  Plastics, harsh chemicals, preservatives, by-products, pollution -- artificial this, artificial that -- the list goes on and on and it's sickening.  It's no wonder our bodies cave under the pressure.  It's like our immune system throws its hands up and says "that's it, I've had ENOUGH!"

I know that's what mine did, and when it did, I wished I would die so the pain would end.  I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy.  At the time, I wasn't considered "unhealthy", I was very fit, ate fairly well (certainly much better than most), didn't do drugs, had recently quit drinking alcohol, and drank water often.  Thinking back, I drank water from plastic water bottles.  Something was overloading my body, and my immune system didn't like it.  Things finally snapped, and I went through the hardest fight of my life, and I'm still fighting.

We can walk outside, and the pollutants in the air attack our body and our immune system.  Then we go on to eat and drink things that contain chemicals that further overload our systems, until one day, it's too late.  Our immune systems are like someone trapped in a traffic jam that finally snaps and unloads years of pent up frustrations.  There are a shocking number of autoimmune cases every year, and an even more shocking number of autoimmune diseases, with more being added yearly. 

The best advice I can give is to purify what goes into your body.  Eliminate as many toxins from your diet and everyday life as possible.  Do not drink out of plastic, do not cook with plastic, and do not store your food in plastic.  Use glass or BPA free stainless steel.   Eat organic when possible.  Don't smoke.  Pay attention to what goes into your body, you never know, it might be the one thing that sends your immune system over the edge.

For more helpful information on how to possibly avoid an autoimmune disease, I strongly recommend this book:  The Autoimmune Epidemic by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

Day 124

My legs hurt like hell today.  I guess that's a good thing, but it doesn't make the pain any more bearable. 

I think I'm having an all around "I feel like crap" day.  We all get them.  Today is mine.  I own it.  Maybe I need a nap.

The heat is insane here in Florida.  It's like Mother Nature woke up and forgot what month we're in.  Someone needs to tell her she's way off.  I would, but I'm too busy being lazy.

Must... go... do... something... productive...



Step count today:  50

Steps I'm behind:  7,157